I will walk in Gratitude.
Gratitude. Tonight I choose to give thanks, this is part of my self care. Honoring the Great-Grandparents, the Grandparents and all the ancestor-midwives that have come before me. My current midwife colleagues who walk the path now. For the knowledge, skills and love that have been gathered and shared, passed down the line to me. I give thanks for all of this, this well of knowing that has allowed me to humbly intervene and step up when necessary to save lives.
This path can sometimes be rocky and exhausting. I find myself feeling the weight heavily recently; the collected burden has piled up and my shoulders are slumping. Holding this space, holding the lives of the pregnant people and babies has made my hands calloused and sore. The emotions are causing my heart to weep and my soul to buckle.
I have been here before and have faith that I will move through this storm and find the sunshine again. In fact, simply writing these words out in print is already helping to soothe the aching. I will sit in stillness, take warm baths, I will talk with loved ones and move my body. I can feel my shoulders gaining strength, my hands are warmed, the cracks in my heart are being filled and my soul is taking a deep breath. I will be whole and feel the warmth on my cheeks.
Some might say that these feelings should not be shared publicly, that it may make me appear weak. I strongly disagree. As a midwife, I am only a human being. I feel not only the joy but the strain and the heartache. Being open about this truth only serves to strengthen me. Acknowledging these realities allow me to reach out for support, to continue my growth. If I stopped them up and didn’t face them, they would fester and take a heavier toll; one that may cause me to walk away from this path. Instead I will walk in gratitude, practice self care and find the strength to carry on. This is my responsibility for there are families who need me.
Image credit Aubre Tompkins, CNM